The 2011 Migo Awards!
I blinked and I missed it – And I can’t blame it on a booze fueled adventure, alien abduction or the hangover from hell because none of them happened (sadly). All I remember was a really nice Christmas with both of my families, a whirlwind of gift card grab n runs, our son Jackson playing ‘who needs sleep’ and working on the bomb crater I laughingly call my back yard. Then suddenly I’m now in an episode of Flash Forward, it’s new years eve and I realize it’s my last chance to rant and rave on like a lunatic this year…
Gee, where did the time go?
I mean I barely have enough time to cobble together a barely thought out and not very well planned at all awards ceremony blog post reflecting on the year that was! No time for the red carpet, hordes of paparazzi, celebrity guest presenters, TV network deals, crosses to Richard Wilkins or asking security to eject Brendan Fevola, lets just get into it.
I proudly present to you: The 2011 MIGO awards!
(Of course the MIGO award doesn’t actually stand for anything, it’s like the Oscar’s, Emmy’s, Tony’s and Nobel’s awards – probably named after some good looking bloke long forgotten. And who wouldn’t want to add another trophy with part of my name etched into the base of it?)
And here comes the winners!
THE 2011 MIGO AWARD FOR ‘DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?’ GOES TO…
GOLD RUSH ALASKA: THE SECOND SEASON!
Quite serious about pissing money up a wall..
Before all the GRA fans come pouring in (all 6 of you judging by the amount of people who know the show I’m talking about), know that I love this show. I love the dramas, the hopes, the characters and the adventures. But the show is about a whole heap of guys who know nothing about gold mining, pissing 250K up a wall to go mining, just about killing each other in the process in the first season and finding only enough gold to replace the sugar in one cup of coffee at the end of it.
Rather than get off the dead horse they’ve been flogging every episode, they return again this year to go piss up even more money mining in a completely untested area that they were forced to move to because they didn’t actually do a lot of proper planning for this new season. Nope, they ditched the real estate agent, found some more money to burn (from where??), located a suicidal British film crew to tag along for the ride and proceeded to blow things up again in true Hoffman style.
A lunatic idea but we’re loving every second of it. Keep on shining you crazy diamonds and enjoy your award.
RUNNERS UP: The Carbon Tax, buying something off local Facebook classifieds
THE 2011 MIGO AWARD FOR ‘OH GOD, NOT YOU AGAIN’ GOES TO….
KIM KARDASHIAN!
This is me messing with Google Image search now...
Unanimous decision from all judges on this one (namely me) as Kim came, Kim went, Kim got married and Kim got divorced while Kim made a dirty big pile of money in the process. Meanwhile a whole heap of Australian’s were sent to the emergency award when she arrived here after scratching their heads too hard to work out why she’s actually famous. Never has so much been heard about one lady called Kim since Eminem started rapping about his old lady way back when. You know it’s a bad year when even Paris Hilton gets overshadowed.
RUNNERS UP: Snooki, Max Markson
THE 2011 MIGO AWARD FOR ‘IS THERE ANYONE YOU DON’T SEEM TO KNOW?’ GOES TO…
DAVID GUETTA
Quite, quite mad..
Once upon a time, if a song had a ‘featuring’ attached to the artists name, the bloke after the ‘feat’ part would nine times out of ten be Snoop Dogg. See: Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, Akon, etc.
Well while the Snoopster still occasionally features from time to time, the bloke who knocked him off his featured pedestal looks like the kind of guy most of us would avoid at parties before they got drunk and cried the party down. Still, the music world seems to love him as he’s turned up in quite a few songs this year, produced heaps more and looked incredibly awkward in most film clips.
Of course there was the time when both kings of featuring turned up in the same song: Sweat. A combining of forces so epic, no one else could be featured at all.
Does he truly know everyone though? Well we haven’t seen a David Guetta featuring Justin Beiber or Mariah Carey song so far..(which is truly a great thing).
RUNNERS UP: Snoop Dogg (last years winner)
THE 2011 MIGO AWARD FOR MOST ANTICIPATED NEW CAR RELEASE GOES TO…
THE TOYOTA 86! (FT-86)
Yummo!
Finally, Toyota’s back to making sports cars that look like absolute hoots to drive (see: Toyota Supra, MR2). And this one looks an absolute pearler. Sure it’s not force fed (turbo charged for anyone who isn’t me) but I’m willing to put that aside for a minute to admire this rear wheel drive, light weight, boxer engined thing of beauty. Someone did tell me that it’s borrowed a few things from Subaru this time around but since I’m a huge fan of WRX’s and looking forward to the new Subaru BRZ coupe released sometime next year, I’m happy to see a combination of bits for this possible drifter.
RUNNERS UP: Subaru BRZ, Mazda Shinari
And finally..
THE 2011 MIGO AWARD FOR ‘BAD IDEA FOR BEER’ GOES TO…
ANY BEER ENERGY DRINK!
No no NO!
Sure, the concept has probably been around a lot longer than just 2011 but this year is the first I’ve learnt of the idea that’s left a bad taste in my mouth…and no, not from drinking it. It seems that nothing is safe from the inclusion of gurana, guano or anything else energy producing that seems to grow in the back woods of Bolivia. While some of thing are well suited (we know Vodka practically goes with anything), beer is one of those institutions that really does not need a kick in the energy stakes. At all.
The only good news is that most seasoned beer drinkers who enjoy beer for it’s flavor and complexity will probably take one look at these in the bottle shop and chortle uncontrollably. Well, that’s what I’m hoping anyway…
And that’s all the time we have for the first Migo awards folks, take care of yourself and see you in the new year!