People are strange, when you’re all flu-like..
People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down
-The Doors, ‘People are strange’
People are strange, when you are sneezing...
Great band, great song but that was way back in 1967 – given that it’s currently 2011, I feel it’s high time someone covered this Doors classic and added a line in there about people just being flat out bizarre when you get struck down with a bout of the flu.
Because it’s 2011 and you guessed it, I’ve been sledgehammered with the flu. Well technically it’s probably more hay fever than flu but it’s just as bad. And in the midst of the eye waterings, nose full of snot and trouble sleeping, I’ve noticed that people turn their strange dial well past 11 to make your life even more fun during your time of sneeze.
THE STRANGE NUMBER 1: THE CHEMIST
This should work...
Buying cold and flu relief from your local pharmacist is usually a perfectly simple task until you mention that you’re after something slightly stronger than the generic stuff that you usually take. Before you’ve finished uttering the word ‘stronger’, a silent alarm is activated, a government body is notified, hidden cameras start recording and before you have the chance to finish the sentence with ‘please’, the girl behind the counter has lumped you into one of two categories.
You’re either A) Someone who is suffering greatly from the effects of said flu and really does need something stronger than just over the counter medication to ease the symptons. Or you’re B) A filthy little drug pusher who doesn’t really have the flu, you’re only buying them to siphon out the precious pseudo-ephedrine to make Colac Crutch Candy, Warnambool Wiz Fiz or most likely, Meth. Given that I usually ask for something a little stronger after the 3rd day, with irritated red eyes and a 3 day growth, you can just imagine which category they believe I fall into before I even approach the desk.
It’s like second nature now – walk in with cash and my drivers license handy, ready for all my details to go down in the ‘He might be sick but then again he might be a filthy rich drug dealer so we better keep an eye on him’ database. I wonder if you get any free Codrol Day and Night tablets on your 10th or 100th database entry..
STRANGE NUMBER 2: THE CLAIRVOYANT
The cards say you have the flu...
(Having met a couple of clairvoyants, psychics and mediums in my time I realize that you don’t need to be gripped by the flu to have a strange encounter with one…but I did have the flu when this happened so it’s all relative.)
I’ve had readings before which have been very amusing – according to one medium I have the spirit of Merlin (no not the bloke the with the big ears on TV, the original one) floating around me causing mischef and one even predicted our little bundle of joy a couple of months before we found out the good news. This time around the deck of Tarot cards coughed up the following predictions:
I want to travel but I should put off all travel for at least a year and a half (not sure why though…)
My fiance is tight with money (well she’s currently not working so I guess that is partially true when you’re not earning…)
My son will be a very keen footballer (considering he’s only 14 weeks, we’ve got a while to go…)
I’m at war with my neighbour…(wait, what?)
Truth be told, my neighbors are lovely. I’ve got an old couple on one side, a young one on the other. And so far in my time here at Casa De Almigo, nary a bad word has been spoken (the young couple even brought round some fresh bread one afternoon!). So where this prediction of all out neighborly warfare is coming from is anyone’s guess, but just in case I’ve mistaken those thrown poisoned daggers for smiles, the clairvoyant did give me a couple of special rocks. No not to throw (though that might work better) – one’s purple and is for…er..I forget now. Growth? Non testicular cancer? Not sure. While the other one I had to sneak onto my warring neighbors property to give them the plague or the pox or something nasty. Considering the peace treaty in effect since I got here, the rock got hurled into the bin.
Wish the cards told me when this flu would end.
AND FINALLY STRANGE NUMBER 3: THE GIRL AT THE GARAGE SALE
Nowhere near as much stuff as here...
Across the road from Pimp Mansion was a garage sale. We could tell this from two things 1) The massive amounts of cars coming and going and parking outside our own place (this town loves a bargain) and 2) the big sign on a nearby post that read ‘Garage sale’. So once Jackson had a feed and I’d finally located some clean clothes to wear, we ambled over to see what cheap goods we could liberate for our own purposes. After a friendly hello to the girl out the front, things were going well as we explored the tables until she dropped the following:
‘Someone was just talking about your place the other day. They were wondering if you knew how to garden..’
Now yes, I will concur that the front of our house does look like the jungles of Borneo on occasion. But finding time between work and family commitments to pull some weeds out to keep the neighborhood happy is really not that high on my agenda. And especially when you meet someone properly for the first time (other than a friendly wave when driving past) and the first thing they do when you’re considering buying some of their stuff is point out how rubbish your garden looks. No ‘Oh you’re from across the road aren’t you? It’s lovely to meet you’ no ‘Nice day isn’t it?’ or ‘Did you hear what happened to Mr Smith in number 36?’. Nope, our garden needs work. Ho ho ho.
If I didn’t have the flu they’d probably invite me in for lemonade and biscuits before gifting me their whipper snipper.
And no we didn’t buy anything out of protest (and there was nothing we were interested in anyway.) Should’ve slipped them the rock from the Clairvoyant…
People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
People turn bizare when you’re all flu like..
Streets will talk when you don’t have time to mow..